Mayo Visit

We drove to Mayo Clinic last Sunday just as Rochester got hit with 12" of snow.  That unwelcome arrival was the beginning of a long but helpful, emotionally tolling yet productive week.  When we left GR, we hoped to return by the next day so we could head out to an Eagan family wedding in NY.  But, we're becoming acquainted with the reality that our schedule and plans don't mean much right now.  At 5pm, only 15 hours before our flight to NY, my doctor let us know that she wanted us to stick around for a few more days to meet with my oncologist and run some more tests.  So, we cancelled our flight, extended our rental car and got another hotel room.  Although we were extremely sad to miss the wedding, by the end of the week we were so grateful that we had stayed.  We were incredibly impressed by my doctors and left feeling like we have a plan of action.

It's a very weird thing to know that I have a serious disease yet feel strong, healthy and have no symptoms at all.  But, the reality of cancer and difficulty of what treatment will look like is beginning to set in.  My oncologist at Mayo recommended doing chemo right away before I have surgery.  This news hit us as hard as the initial diagnosis and has opened up some new areas of grief.  I will lose my hair, most likely feel very tired and nauseous and be in treatment for 5 months... and in Michigan, the next 5 months are the reason that the harsh winters don't drive us away.

Despite the grief, we are very grateful for all of your prayers and support.  God has been very present and provided for us in so many ways already.  Here's a list of just a few:

- Ross and I decided to increase our life insurance out of the blue last fall.  We got a letter stating that the full life policy we purchased was approved and our premiums were locked in for life as of March 1...  I was diagnosed on March 2.  Thanks be to God!

- I prayed that we would be able to get the best care and feel very confident in our treatment decision.  We found out this week that the breast surgeon who will be doing my surgery is the chief surgeon at Mayo, has been doing breast surgeries for over 20 years, serves as the chair of the education board there and has received the "America's Top Doctors" Award for the past 7 straight years.  Thanks be to God!

- There is a new option for mastectomy surgery where they place an implant on the outside of the pectoral muscle (typically the muscle is gradually stretched to fit the implant behind the muscle).  This surgery leaves the implant looking more realistic and feels more comfortable long term.  I prayed that this would be an option for me despite there only being 2 surgeons at Mayo that perform this surgery.  The next day I found out that the plastic surgeon assigned to me is not only able to do this type of surgery, he was the one who invented it.  Thanks be to God!

Please pray that my body reacts well to the chemo and that the side effects are minimal.  Please continue to pray for God's strength and peace as I enter this first phase of kicking cancer's butt!

Update

I wanted to give everyone a quick update:

We are in a stage of gathering information.  Thankfully, we have great insurance so I'm getting 3 opinions - Spectrum, St. Mary's and Mayo Clinic.

We know that right now the tumor seems to be fairly small.  During surgery they will test my lymph nodes to be sure that they haven't been affected.  The result of that test will determine whether I will need chemo or not.  Radiation is likely but is also dependent on surgery and lymph node involvement.  We are heading to Mayo next week for the final opinion.

Overall, this process feels a little bit like buying a car.  We're "test driving" hospitals, oncologists, and surgeons.  The downside is that there's no consumer's report on doctors and I can't return my boob to the store if I don't like how it turns out after surgery.

So, we ask for prayers for clarity and wisdom as I make these decisions.  Please also pray that we may continue to experience God's peace and strength and trust him in each step of this process. 

Me, God and My Diagnosis

About three weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk reading my Bible and talking with God.  Yes, I talk out loud mostly because I'm ADD but I've also found that it helps remove the religious baggage of the over-spiritualized prayers and rituals that can feel so stuffy and void of authenticity.  It's just me and God, having a conversation like old friends.  I can't quite remember what we talked about that day but probably work and marriage and my to-do list.  Although the conversation was typical, God's response to me felt much different than normal.  His peace flooded over me like a wave.  For those of you who know me well, you know that few moments in life leave me speechless.  But in this moment, all I could do was sit in God's presence, overwhelmed by his peace and be grateful.  It is this peace that has carried me through the following days and weeks since, preparing me for the difficult road that lies ahead.

About a week later, I had a routine doctor appointment where they found a lump.  Within days, I had a mammogram, ultrasound and was sent for a biopsy.  Then, waiting... waiting is always the worst.  There is bliss in ignorance and power in knowledge but what do you do with the in between?  Well, we just wait and lean into God and let his peace continue to carry us.  Oh, and we may have also indulged in a little "retail therapy" as we now refer to our sudden desire to shop when we need a distraction.  I'm quite sure that retail therapy is a genetic condition passed down from my Grandma Kennedy and affects most of the women in the family.

Anyway, after three days of waiting, we got the call... you have cancer.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma to be exact.  In that instant our world changed.  God had been preparing us for this.  There are points in life where faith becomes something much more than believing that God exists.  In this moment, we don't know why and that doesn't seem important.  What we know is that God doesn't waste anything... even cancer.  In all things... even this... God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).  Thanks be to God.