Me, God and My Diagnosis

About three weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk reading my Bible and talking with God.  Yes, I talk out loud mostly because I'm ADD but I've also found that it helps remove the religious baggage of the over-spiritualized prayers and rituals that can feel so stuffy and void of authenticity.  It's just me and God, having a conversation like old friends.  I can't quite remember what we talked about that day but probably work and marriage and my to-do list.  Although the conversation was typical, God's response to me felt much different than normal.  His peace flooded over me like a wave.  For those of you who know me well, you know that few moments in life leave me speechless.  But in this moment, all I could do was sit in God's presence, overwhelmed by his peace and be grateful.  It is this peace that has carried me through the following days and weeks since, preparing me for the difficult road that lies ahead.

About a week later, I had a routine doctor appointment where they found a lump.  Within days, I had a mammogram, ultrasound and was sent for a biopsy.  Then, waiting... waiting is always the worst.  There is bliss in ignorance and power in knowledge but what do you do with the in between?  Well, we just wait and lean into God and let his peace continue to carry us.  Oh, and we may have also indulged in a little "retail therapy" as we now refer to our sudden desire to shop when we need a distraction.  I'm quite sure that retail therapy is a genetic condition passed down from my Grandma Kennedy and affects most of the women in the family.

Anyway, after three days of waiting, we got the call... you have cancer.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma to be exact.  In that instant our world changed.  God had been preparing us for this.  There are points in life where faith becomes something much more than believing that God exists.  In this moment, we don't know why and that doesn't seem important.  What we know is that God doesn't waste anything... even cancer.  In all things... even this... God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).  Thanks be to God.